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Babies Remember Birth |
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If all mothers experienced total peace, calm and beauty during pregnancy, lived a harmonious life, eating properly and directing positive thoughts and feelings to the unborn child, and gave birth calmly with reverence in the way nature intended, in time, the human race would be purified, war and strife would end, and peace and joy would reign on earth. These words reflect the teachings of spiritual master Omraam Mikhael Aivanhov and also the research of experts in the field of pre- and peri-natal psychology. When I first heard of Prenatal Psychology*, it spoke to my soul. I was a new mother swimming in the bliss of unconditional love for my baby, yet already feeling the pang of things that hadn’t gone right – and wondering how it would all affect this precious new life, my child, in the long run. As a new mother, my mind was thirsty for knowing what was right and good, and my heart wide open to the entire spectrum of emotions – sometimes all in one day! During pregnancy, my yoga teacher handed me a little pamphlet called “The Role of the Mother During Gestation” (by Omraam Mikhael Aivanhov). It talks of creating a peaceful world by learning the true laws of creation and going to the roots – improving the lives of the unborn and the births of human beings. I learned that certain experiences of the mother during pregnancy are reflected in the life of the child. I also learned that the birth experience is imprinted in the mind of the child and, like the experiences of gestation, is reflected in who that child becomes. In other words, babies remember birth. So when I learned about prenatal psychology, with my bubbling, impressionable child on my lap, I felt its truth in my soul. As I delved into studies of pregnancy and birth, preparing to teach yoga myself to mothers, it was nothing less than shameful to hear story after story of violence at birth. While on the one hand, it pacified my own feelings of regret and remorse from my son’s birth (we weren’t the only ones and it could have been worse), on the other hand, why so much trouble? Why must mothers fight with strangers, or with their conscience, against what they intuitively feel to be right at one of the most profound moments of their life? When all their instincts and emotions tell them this is a natural, sacred event, why do so many feel like patients, and sometimes victims, under pressure of time, space, machines, chemicals that pull them outside of the miracle taking place inside? Why do so many children come into this world after long, arduous labors, hearing their mothers’ screams, pulled by forceps, sucked by vacuums, drugged, gasping for air as the lifeline to mother is cut before their first breath, blinded by bright lights, caught by cold plastic hands and torn away from the warmth and the familiar voices that is all they have ever known? Why do so many mothers feel depleted, despondent, disheartened about their births? So I talked with mothers. Having a healthy baby comes first, of course, and everybody is happy and grateful. But after the congratulations and well wishes are through, most mothers go straight to the birth story. Every story is precious and unique. There is plenty of pride at the incredible accomplishment, but I also found pain and anger, feelings of loss - even grief, resignation, and lots of what-ifs. Women know that medical intervention can be necessary, unavoidable, life-saving. I haven’t met a mother who wasn’t respectful and grateful to the medical system in times of complication and crisis, and for just being there, in case. But for such a natural, everyday event as bringing a baby into the world, why is conflict and violence an everyday event? What struck me most was verbal violence – some doctors telling mothers if they really cared about their babies they would do such and such. Hitting a women in such a sacred place at a profoundly vulnerable moment goes deep. Most women understand that doctors face many pressures and fear complications just as parents do, that doctors are not all alike, and are human; and we certainly know that not all mothers are alike and doctors have to juggle it all! But is pain and conflict inevitable? And, what about the babies? If mom feels something went wrong, feels these strong emotions, what about the babies? Babies who are totally open to sense experiences with no filters, no screens, no ability to process thoughts or emotions. And if birth is so profound an experience for women, what about the baby who is experiencing this new life on earth? Welcome to the world baby, sorry for the violence…and I remembered, babies remember birth. Ten years have passed since I gave birth and became involved with mothers and birthing. My own scars have healed and I have been very fortunate to know many women who believe in beautiful birthing and have had the courage to create it. Many of my students come to yoga already trusting nature or somehow sense that birth doesn’t have to be horrible. Many of them are working with midwives, at a birthing center or even give birth at home. Somewhere along the way they either heard or experienced themselves one too many horror stories and wanted to do something different, or heard the witness of a positive birth and wanted to emulate it, or just followed their intuition that birth can be beautiful. Many of them have traveled or studied other cultures that do not experience childbirth as a painful event to be feared. Many of them came from other cultures themselves seeking yoga at a birthing center as a safe haven with like-minded people. Then one day one of these women told me about a class she was taking called HypnoBirthing® to learn what I always believed could be: to create a peaceful birth for mother and baby. She told me how parents are taught why birth is often painful and that it doesn’t have to be. They are taught the importance of bonding with their baby long before it is born, the art and skill of relaxation – mental and physical, how to release fears of birthing and parenting, the science of how positive thinking stimulates and releases the body’s own pain relievers, and how to work with others in the birthing environment to avoid conflict and create a positive scene all around. There are no guarantees of course, except that the birth will be the best that it can be. I feel so blessed to have met these moms and to see their babies…for I know, babies remember birth!
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